chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
