I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
