seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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