Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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