Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
