8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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