They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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