apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
