It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
