It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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