Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
