so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
