I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
