It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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