i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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