yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
