god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My pussy is not your playground.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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