My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
