Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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