Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
