we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
