I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
