R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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