oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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