You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
