the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
