I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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