i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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