She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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