Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
