We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
