just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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