I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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