I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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