my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
