I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Slut skills are useful in every country.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
