I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
