Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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