so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
