went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
3 2 1 whiskey
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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