Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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