i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
