So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
