first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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