I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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