I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
