Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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