You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize