What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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