Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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