thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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