OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize