He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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