My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
