Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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