Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
