how can u be prego again
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
