I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
