I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I looked at my own cervix.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
