This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
