how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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