im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
