I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
