She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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