fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
