It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
