It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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